The Onion: An interview with ‘America’s Finest News Source’
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The Onion: An interview with ‘America’s Finest News Source’

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Despite the hopes of many University of Wisconsin-Madison (UW) students, The Onion was not named after their student center. “People always ask questions about where the name The Onion came from,” said President Sean Mills in an interview with David Shankbone, “and when I recently asked Tim Keck, who was one of the founders, he told me the name—I’ve never heard this story about ‘see you at the un-yun’—he said it was literally that his Uncle said he should call it The Onion when he saw him and Chris Johnson eating an onion sandwich. They had literally just cut up the onion and put it on bread.” According to Editorial Manager Chet Clem, their food budget was so low when they started the paper that they were down to white bread and onions.

Long before The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, Heck and Johnson envisioned a publication that would parody the news—and news reporting—when they were students at UW in 1988. Since its inception, The Onion has become a veritable news parody empire, with a print edition, a website that drew 5,000,000 unique visitors in the month of October, personal ads, a 24 hour news network, podcasts, and a recently launched world atlas called Our Dumb World. Al Gore and General Tommy Franks casually rattle off their favorite headlines (Gore’s was when The Onion reported he and Tipper were having the best sex of their lives after his 2000 Electoral College defeat). Many of their writers have gone on to wield great influence on Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert‘s news parody shows.

And we are sorry to break the news to all you amateur headline writers: your submissions do not even get read.

Below is David Shankbone’s interview with Chet Clem and Sean Mills about the news empire that has become The Onion.

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Global markets plunge
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Global markets plunge

Friday, October 10, 2008

Stock markets across the world have fallen sharply with several seeing the biggest drop in their history.

Asian markets saw the biggest sell-off. The Nikkei dropped 9.62% to reach a 20 year low. Japan also saw a collapse of a mid-size insurance company, Yamato Life Insurance Company, which declared bankruptcy. The Hang Seng, which was one of the few markets that was positive yesterday, fell 7.19%. Australia dropped by 8.4% and South Korea saw a 9% fall.

In Europe, markets dropped at the open with the FTSE losing 11%. They have recovered only sightly with all European markets losing more than 5%. The European sell off was more about the Asian lows then any specific news. European banks and financial institutes saw the most selling. Also, oil related companies saw large drops as an result of an expected decrease in oil consumption.

The U.S. markets opened lower with the Dow Jones Industrial Average falling below 8,000, before recovering slightly. President George W. Bush made an address on the economy and said markets were being “driven by uncertainty and fear.”

Oil has seen losses of more than US$6 in trading with the current price of a barrel of oil less than $80. This is a year low for oil. News also came out that OPEC will hold an emergency meeting on November 18 to discuss the falling price of oil.

Charities, such as Cats Protection, today said that they have lost much of their funds in collapsing banks. Cats Protection had a total of £11.2 million saved in the now-collapsed Kaupthing bank.

The British National Council for Voluntary Organisations said that 60 of its 6,500 have lost money due to the collapse of banks.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average fell to its lowest level in five years at 8,579.19, falling 679 points in one day. This, at 7.3%, is the eleventh largest percentage fall in the history of the index. The growth then continued, with the index being up over 150 points on the start of the day at one point.

The index, did however, recover, and as of 19:30 UTC was up 17.68 points, or 0.21%, pushing the index up to almost 8600.

Peter Cardillo, chief market economist at Avalon Partners, commented on these massive falls. “What we’ve seen here was one big margin call that just kept feeding on itself, so the opposite could happen. But you need a catalyst,” he said. “I’m more convinced now than ever that this market has made a bottom. The capitulation came when we breached 8,000,” he continued. “It doesn’t mean we can’t go back and revisit that level.”

The UK’s FTSE 100 index fell dramatically to close below 4000, in the index’s worst week in history. This is despite the fact that just a few days ago the index was above 5000, and the index peaked above 5500 in September.The FTSE 100 index has fallen by 41% this year.

Barclays Wealth analyst Henk Potts commented on this massive fall. “We are drowning in a sea of red numbers,” he claimed. “Investors are concerned about the exacerbation of the credit crunch and the gloomy forecasts for economic growth. The reality is that most investors have been spooked by the sheer pressure that the credit crunch is putting on the global economy.”

The Japanese Nikkei 225 has recorded it’s third biggest drop in history with a massive sell-off in the exchange that has resulted in USD 250 billion being knocked of the index’s value.

Toyota, which is the second largest carmaker in the world, fell by the largest amount in 21 years, while Elpida Memory, the world’s largest manufacturer of computer memory, dropped in value to a record low.

Masafumi Oshiden, a fund manager in Toyota commented on the drop.”It’s capitulation,” he said. “There are lots of forced sellers. If you’re a fund that’s going bust you need to close out all your positions.”

George W. Bush commented on the financial situation earlier today. “Over the past few days, we have witnessed a startling drop in the stock market — much of it driven by uncertainty and fear,” he said. “This has been a deeply unsettling period for the American people. Many of our citizens have serious concerns about their retirement accounts, their investments, and their economic well-being.”

Bush then continued by promoting the government’s plan’s to get through the crises. “Here’s what the American people need to know: that the United States government is acting; we will continue to act to resolve this crisis and restore stability to our markets. We are a prosperous nation with immense resources and a wide range of tools at our disposal. We’re using these tools aggressively.”

Gordon Brown, the UK Prime Minister, also spoke on the economy. “I think we quickly realised that we cannot solve the problems we have got as a result of the sub-prime market collapse simply by improving liquidity,” he said speaking in Birmingham to business leaders earlier today. “That would simply not be enough to deal with the bigger problem of rebuilding the banking system for the future and restoring trust is a fundamental element of that.”

Jim Flaherty, the Canadian minister for finance, also commented today on the recent incidents in the economy. “It is important to underline that Canada’s banks and other financial institutions are sound, well capitalized and less leveraged than their international peers,” he claimed. “Our mortgage system is sound. Canadian households have smaller mortgages relative both to the value of their homes and to their disposable incomes than in the U.S.”

“”However, it is becoming increasingly clear that the continuing disruption of global credit markets, which has been severe and protracted, is making it difficult for our financial institutions to raise long-term funding. This is beginning to affect the availability of mortgage loans and other types of credit in Canada,” he continued. “The Government has therefore decided to act to address the current scarcity of private sector lending to Canadian mortgage markets and lending markets overall. This is going to make loans and mortgages more available and more affordable for ordinary Canadians and businesses.”

20:15, 10 October, 2008 (UTC)
  • DJIA
  • 8.451,19 128,00 1,49%
  • Nasdaq
  • 1.649,51 4,39 0.27%
  • S&P 500
  • 899,22 10,70 1,18%
  • S&P TSX
  • 9.264,57 335,61 3.50%
  • IPC
  • 19.952,30 357,87 1,76%
  • Merval
  • 1.215,990 71.340 5,54%
  • Bovespa
  • 35.615,26 1,474.03 3,97%
  • FTSE 100
  • 3.932,06 381,74 8,85%
  • DAX
  • 4.544,31 342,69 7,01%
  • CAC 40
  • 3.176,49 266,21 7,73%
  • SMI
  • 5.347,22 451,62 7,79%
  • AEX
  • 258,05 23,92 8,48%
  • BEL20
  • 2.123,44 117,44 5,24%
  • MIBTel
  • 15.438,00 1,081,00 6,54%
  • IBEX 35
  • 8.997,70 905,20 9,14%
  • All Ordinaries
  • 3.939,50 351,80 8,20%
  • Nikkei
  • 8.276,43 881,06 9,62%
  • Hang Seng
  • 14.796,90 1,146,37 7,19%
  • SSE Composite
  • 2.000,57 74,01 3,57%
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    Category:July 27, 2010
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    Category:July 27, 2010
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    Islamabad on red alert for possible terrorist attack
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    Islamabad on red alert for possible terrorist attack

    Tuesday, August 6, 2013

    Pakistani officials placed the capital, Islamabad, on red alert after they received information of possible terrorist attacks on Pakistan Air Force headquarters. Action was taken quickly, with Air Force and Navy helicopters seen above Islamabad shortly after the officials were notified.

    “Current information suggests that Al-Qaeda and affiliated organisations continue to plan terrorist attacks both in the region and beyond, and they may focus efforts to conduct attacks in the period between now and the end of August,” a United States State Department statement said.

    Pakistani security forces and policemen are maintaining high surveillance in the area as search operations are conducted.

    “This thick security blanket has been laid over the capital to head off any untoward incident,” Senior Superintendent of Police Operations, Dr Rizwan told GEO News.

    The threat of an attack remains high and searches continue after a number of suspects were detained as a result of an operation in Margallah Hills. The area remains under surveillance, with all inns, hotels, guesthouses, restaurants, Afghan refugee settlements and slums subject to scrutiny.

    Warning has been spread to the U.S., where Americans have been urged to take extra precautions overseas. The State Department identified subways and rail networks as potential danger areas, because of their history in previous terrorist attacks. This information accompanies the red alerts placed on Europe, South Asia, Africa and the Middle East earlier this year.

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    How Do Telescopes Work Telescope Construction At Home

    By John B Mayall

    There are telescopes of several brands that are freely available in the market. However, even for one who wants to construct his telescope at home, there are several viable options.

    One way to go about constructing a telescope is to buy each individual component and then assemble the whole structure. The required elements are mirrors, concave and convex lenses, the housing structure, brackets, and some other components. These can all be bought at local shops or in online stores. A comprehensive list of required elements can be downloaded from websites that serve as guides for amateurs looking to build their own telescopes. Books dedicated to this subject are available.

    An enthusiast may also want to construct each element by hand at home, though that is an extremely time-consuming process and not the usual home method. It is a cumbersome process to create the housing compartment and arranging each element inside it. If one wants to follow this method, then one must be prepared to face several hurdles in the construction process.

    [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4bFyyCbAY0[/youtube]

    Another method is to make use of telescope kits, which are available in the markets. These kits contain all the required elements and include instruction manuals to guide amateurs working at home. Using kit elements and assembling the instrument is considered a better method than constructing a telescope from individual elements bought separately. Telescope kits are cheaper and far less time-consuming than other methods of telescope construction. They save time spent on searching for each required component. Step-by-step instructions make it possible to work faster, making fewer mistakes along the way. These kits are intended for amateurs, and first-timers not yet experienced in making telescopes. A professional astronomer or one who aims to become a professional may however choose to work from scratch.

    The point of consideration now is whether homemade telescopes are better than readymade instruments available otherwise. The simple answer to such a question is that both are almost the same with respect to quality. A homemade instrument displays the same characteristics as a readymade one of the same specification. A telescope made at home will have the same magnification factor, and is simpler to use in comparison to one bought in a shop. In fact, it is not complex at all and is similar to the ones built by early astronomers like Galileo.

    The construction of telescopes at home, in truth, is often a joy, and a hobby that many enjoy. Several people consider it akin to an art, and have dedicated themselves to creating perfect instruments at home. Several sites online are a medium for proud astronomers to display their homemade telescopes. There are also web pages in existence that are dedicated guides for amateurs who want to create their own telescopes. Such pages give comprehensive lists of the elements required for its construction as well.

    As with any other task, exhaustive research is required before setting out to make a telescope. It is imperative that the builder understands how each element performs individually and how it affects the whole. It also advisable to have storage space for the material required in construction of a telescope. However, despite all the effort that goes into construction of a homemade instrument, the results are reward enough.

    About the Author: Discover more on

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    howdotelescopeswork.com

    , the online resources for telescope making and usage.

    Source:

    isnare.com

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    Wales widens smoking ban, includes at hospitals, schools and playgrounds
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    Wales widens smoking ban, includes at hospitals, schools and playgrounds

    Monday, March 1, 2021

    Today, Wales extended the prohibition on smoking at hospitals, schools, and playgrounds, with violators to face a £100 fine. Wales is the first of the UK nations to introduce this ban.

    This is in addition to various restrictions on the practice, including a ban on smoking in enclosed public spaces in place since 2007 and a ban on smoking in cars with children in place since 2015.

    The Welsh government, governed by left-wing party Welsh Labour, said the measure was to discourage adults and children alike from smoking by making it appear less normal, and encourage the already partaking to quit.

    Two hospitals in the country’s south have installed a button-activated speaker system to remind people hospitals are smoke-free. In 2016, a similar mechanism was tried at hospitals across Wales, where an announcement recorded by local school children would play upon pressing a button.

    Minister for Mental Health, Wellbeing, and the Welsh Language Eluned Morgan said she was “immensely proud to have brought into force this law”, and “[t]his legislation will benefit the health of future generations in Wales, as fewer children will be exposed to smoking”. She concluded, “[w]e need to do everything we can to combat the harmful effects of smoking.”

    The government was criticised by many smokers rights groups. Simon Clark, Director of the Freedom Organisation for the Right to Enjoy Smoking Tobacco compared the law to “taking a sledgehammer to crack a nut”, saying: “There is no evidence that smoking in the open air poses a risk to anyone else’s health, including children.” The director further explained, “Banning smoking on hospital grounds is particularly unjust because it targets smokers who may be stressed and in need of a comforting cigarette. Most smokers use their common sense and don’t smoke around small children. They don’t need politicians telling them how to behave.”

    Wikinews contacted Eluned Morgan’s office to know more about this ban.

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    BC man is selling the boat from old TV series Gilligan’s Island
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    BC man is selling the boat from old TV series Gilligan’s Island

    Tuesday, August 29, 2006

    A man named George Schultz in Parksville, British Columbia is selling the boat from old TV series Gilligan’s Island at the cost of $99,000. The cruiser, originally cost about $290,000 in the 1960s.

    “There have been a couple of modifications, so it doesn’t look exactly like the original,” said Shultz, a boat broker who’s selling the 36-foot Wheeler Express Cruiser for fellow Parksdale resident Scotty Taylor. “But it’s still the original boat.”

    Originally, the boat’s name was The Blue Jacket.

    “Just for the show, for a stage name, it was called the S.S. Minnow,” Shultz said. The name was a reference to Newton Minnow, once chairman of the FCC.

    “He just liked the boat, he wanted to restore it, it was a nice looking boat, a wooden boat, a classic and he likes classic boats,” said Shultz. “The hole in the hull was actually the least of the repairs – the interior needed a lot more work”.

    Someone later stole the plaque on the boat, but the 46-year-old boat still has the round life preserver with S.S. Minnow emblazoned on it and the skipper’s chair.

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    Saturn moon Enceladus may have salty ocean
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    Saturn moon Enceladus may have salty ocean

    Thursday, June 23, 2011

    NASA’s Cassini–Huygens spacecraft has discovered evidence for a large-scale saltwater reservoir beneath the icy crust of Saturn’s moon Enceladus. The data came from the spacecraft’s direct analysis of salt-rich ice grains close to the jets ejected from the moon. The study has been published in this week’s edition of the journal Nature.

    Data from Cassini’s cosmic dust analyzer show the grains expelled from fissures, known as tiger stripes, are relatively small and usually low in salt far away from the moon. Closer to the moon’s surface, Cassini found that relatively large grains rich with sodium and potassium dominate the plumes. The salt-rich particles have an “ocean-like” composition and indicate that most, if not all, of the expelled ice and water vapor comes from the evaporation of liquid salt-water. When water freezes, the salt is squeezed out, leaving pure water ice behind.

    Cassini’s ultraviolet imaging spectrograph also recently obtained complementary results that support the presence of a subsurface ocean. A team of Cassini researchers led by Candice Hansen of the Planetary Science Institute in Tucson, Arizona, measured gas shooting out of distinct jets originating in the moon’s south polar region at five to eight times the speed of sound, several times faster than previously measured. These observations of distinct jets, from a 2010 flyby, are consistent with results showing a difference in composition of ice grains close to the moon’s surface and those that made it out to the E ring, the outermost ring that gets its material primarily from Enceladean jets. If the plumes emanated from ice, they should have very little salt in them.

    “There currently is no plausible way to produce a steady outflow of salt-rich grains from solid ice across all the tiger stripes other than salt water under Enceladus’s icy surface,” said Frank Postberg, a Cassini team scientist at the University of Heidelberg in Germany.

    The data suggests a layer of water between the moon’s rocky core and its icy mantle, possibly as deep as about 50 miles (80 kilometers) beneath the surface. As this water washes against the rocks, it dissolves salt compounds and rises through fractures in the overlying ice to form reserves nearer the surface. If the outermost layer cracks open, the decrease in pressure from these reserves to space causes a plume to shoot out. Roughly 400 pounds (200 kilograms) of water vapor is lost every second in the plumes, with smaller amounts being lost as ice grains. The team calculates the water reserves must have large evaporating surfaces, or they would freeze easily and stop the plumes.

    “We imagine that between the ice and the ice core there is an ocean of depth and this is somehow connected to the surface reservoir,” added Postberg.

    The Cassini mission discovered Enceladus’ water-vapor and ice jets in 2005. In 2009, scientists working with the cosmic dust analyzer examined some sodium salts found in ice grains of Saturn’s E ring but the link to subsurface salt water was not definitive. The new paper analyzes three Enceladus flybys in 2008 and 2009 with the same instrument, focusing on the composition of freshly ejected plume grains. In 2008, Cassini discovered a high “density of volatile gases, water vapor, carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide, as well as organic materials, some 20 times denser than expected” in geysers erupting from the moon. The icy particles hit the detector target at speeds between 15,000 and 39,000 MPH (23,000 and 63,000 KPH), vaporizing instantly. Electrical fields inside the cosmic dust analyzer separated the various constituents of the impact cloud.

    “Enceladus has got warmth, water and organic chemicals, some of the essential building blocks needed for life,” said Dennis Matson in 2008, Cassini project scientist at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California.

    “This finding is a crucial new piece of evidence showing that environmental conditions favorable to the emergence of life can be sustained on icy bodies orbiting gas giant planets,” said Nicolas Altobelli, the European Space Agency’s project scientist for Cassini.

    “If there is water in such an unexpected place, it leaves possibility for the rest of the universe,” said Postberg.

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    What Is The Purpose Of Fashion Umbrellas?

    byadmin

    For much of the history of umbrellas, their usage was strictly to either keep you dry or prevent the sun from beating down on you. Nowadays, fashion umbrellas can be every bit as much a head-turning accessory as a designer watch, handbag, hat, or a pair of sunglasses. But they can also serve other purposes as well. Since you’ve decided to click here on our website, you have an interest in these types of products.

    [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpYd5ns5Ygc[/youtube]

    It’s no secret that UV rays from the sun can be extremely harmful to you or your pets. But protecting yourself and your furry friends doesn’t have to look tacky. Because you did decide to click here, you have come to the best place on the Internet to purchase a high-quality umbrella. You can keep your dog in the shade with a fashion umbrella from RainTec Umbrellas. Whether you’re out for a walk, or they are on the leash while you’re on the patio, you will never have to worry about your pet being exposed to too much sunlight with the right kind of umbrella. Plus, Fido will look stylish in the process!

    Fashion umbrellas are not confined to those on the runway or those among us who are the most chicest. You can stand out from the crowd with one of our well-made, sturdy umbrellas. Now that you’ve clicked here, you know that a trendy umbrella can spark a conversation almost anywhere you are. Whether you’re at the beach, or you’re using your umbrella at home, you can stay dry and keep cool with one of our products. Also, a chic fashion umbrella can be a great addition to your bridal shower, your photo shoot, or just about anything in between. When you’re ready to put your umbrella away, most of our products come with equally stylish cases as well.

    We have a nearly endless number of customizable options from which to choose. You can pick the perfect combination of materials, prints, patterns, and so on. We manufacture fashion umbrellas every day. Select your own that is right for any outfit or occasion. Since you’ve already decided to click here, you can also pick from a design from one of our many reputable retailers if you are having trouble deciding what kind of options you’d like. When you’re ready to order, or if you have any questions, shoot us an email at any time, and we will be happy to assist you.

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    German BND claims U.S. exaggerated Iraq WMD claims
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    German BND claims U.S. exaggerated Iraq WMD claims

    Sunday, November 20, 2005

    One of the most important arguments in the run-up to the Iraq war made by Colin Powell in his United Nations speech and President Bush in his State of the Union address was that Iraq had an active biological weapons program and possessed mobile biological weapons labs. According to an investigation by the Senate Intelligence Committee, the main source for this information was an Iraqi defector codenamed Curveball who was a source for the German central intelligence agency BND.

    Several German intelligence officials responsible for Curveball have now told the LA Times that the Bush administration and the CIA have repeatedly exaggerated his claims and ignored warnings of the BND that the source was unreliable. Recounting his reaction after seeing Powell’s United Nations speech one German intelligence officer said: “We were shocked. Mein Gott! We had always told them it was not proven…. It was not hard intelligence.” This corroborates reporting by the German weekly newspaper Die Zeit from 2003 and 2004 based on statements of unnamed senior German intelligence officials.

    Nine months earlier, in May 2002, a fabricator warning was posted in Curveball’s file in U.S. intelligence databases. Powell was never warned that his United Nations speech contained material that both the DIA and CIA had determined was false, even though several people present at Powell’s CIA meetings were fully aware of this.

    At this time German intelligence officers would not let the CIA meet directly with Curveball, but allowed a CIA doctor to draw blood samples. Questioning the validity of Curveball’s information in front of his CIA supervisor, the doctor was advised to “Keep in mind that this war is going to happen regardless of what Curveball said or didn’t say and the Powers That Be probably aren’t terribly interested in whether Curveball knows what he’s talking about.”

    Shortly after Powell’s UN speech and several days before the invasion, United Nations weapons inspectors attempted to directly verify several key claims made by Curveball, but concluded that they were unsustainable. The White House insisted on its WMD claims based on Curveball’s information.

    Even after the invasion, when more and more of Curveball’s accounts were shown to be pure fabrication, the CIA and the Bush administration relied on Curveball’s information. When U.S. forces discovered trucks with lab equipment and Curveball claimed that these were identical to the ones he has been reporting about, the CIA rushed to publish a White Paper claiming that these trucks were part of Saddam Hussein’s secret biological weapons program and Bush claimed publicly that “We found the weapons of mass destruction.” Several days later, twelve of the thirteen WMD experts who analyzed the trucks agreed that the equipment was not suited for biological weapons production, with the only dissenting voice coming from the author of the original White Paper.

    The White Paper remains posted on the CIA website to this date, and President Bush has not yet retracted his statement that Iraq produced “germ warfare agents” made in his State of the Union address or his postwar assertions that “we found the weapons of mass destruction.”

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